The Misunderstood Compliment
Have you ever received a backhanded compliment that made you rethink your achievements?
That’s exactly what happened to me the other night when my wife and I were out to dinner with another couple. As the waiter dropped off our drinks, we were all talking about the pressures of trying to be great at everything all the time: parenting, working, marriage, friends, and somehow finding time for ourselves.
Any of this sound familiar to you?
The conversation veered into the specific challenges of working parents, mom-guilt, and how often it leads to a little pharmaceutical help to cope with everything. Then came the “compliment” I was given…
“Derek, you’re always so calm and don’t hardly ever seem to get ruffled. That must be nice.”
The Truth of “Effortless” Success
I almost spit my drink across the table before sharing just how much effort it has taken to make it appear so effortless.
So many years of near maniacal introspection figuring out what makes me tick and why—understanding my triggers and how to avoid them; fine-tuning my mental, emotional, and physical recovery strategies along the way…all during several high stakes, high-stress years that have given me a healthy sense of perspective.
It’s a common reflex, isn’t it?
Seeing someone easily doing something we find difficult, then dismissing it with a “must be nice”, as if they’ve been handed their life on a silver platter.
”Must be nice to have such good metabolism.”
…not recognizing the super clean diet and daily exercise routine.
”Must be nice to have a successful business”
…not recognizing the decade+ of grinding to become another overnight success.
“Must be nice to have that god-given talent”
…not recognizing the countless hours shooting baskets or hitting in cages long after everyone else went home.
But here’s the thing: like a stand-up comedian who spends countless hours refining every line and gesture to appear spontaneously hilarious, the effortless display you see is often anything but. Behind every “effortless” success is a backstory of dedication, struggles, and relentless pursuit. Rarely is there ever a “must be nice” shortcut.
Unpacking the ‘Must Be Nice’ Mentality
So, next time you hear or think “must be nice…” remember the untold stories behind those seemingly effortless achievements. Instead of viewing others’ success with a lens tinted by envy or dismissal, let’s start seeing them as beacons of inspiration, signifying what’s possible with dedication and perseverance.
What areas of your life do you think others have oversimplified with a “must be nice”? This is likely a reflection of where you’ve developed your strongest abilities giving you an unfair advantage over those that haven’t put in the work. This is almost always where our Unique Abilities live and where we add the most value to our team despite it feeling fun and effortless.
Where might you be dismissing someone else’s hard-earned achievements? Recognizing and acknowledging the hard work behind the ease can shift your perspective from one of resentment and envy to one of motivation and growth.
Remember, the journey to seeming ‘effortlessness’ is anything but. It’s paved with trials, errors, and constant self-improvement. So, the next time you’re on the verge of dismissing someone’s achievements or feeling disheartened by your own challenges, pause and ask yourself, “What ‘must be nice’ moments am I working towards in my own life? And what can I do today to move one step closer to them?”
Let’s redefine ‘must be nice’ as a testament to the unseen efforts and a reminder of our own potential paths to success. Would love for you to share your thoughts and “must be nice” moments with me – let’s celebrate the journey, not just the destination.
Lead With Energy,
Derek
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