As John Maxwell once said, ‘Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.’ You might find as I did, the value and power of unlearning in order to relearn differently.
I went into my sabbatical with the mindset and approach of “do the opposite of everything I would normally do.”
Normal for me…
Strategy: what’s the big goal that I’m trying to achieve? What are the objectives and priorities to focus on? What are the activities to drive progress?
…instead, I went in with no plan. No objectives outside of letting my mind & body heal and connecting deeply with my wife and kids. That was it. This approach, this sabbatical, turned out not to be just a break; it was a transformation that reshaped my entire outlook on life.
My identity had become wrapped up in being effective and efficient in everything I do. And therefore, when doing the opposite of normal, it’s being intentionally inefficient and intentionally ineffective.
Silly things like, much to my wife’s chagrin, “Can you take this down to the basement?” – “No, prob!” (as I put it next to the basement door waiting until there are two or three things to take down all at the same time). Whereas on sabbatical, I took the box right down, even though I might be making the same trip down the stairs 10 minutes later, small things like that.
But bigger things as well, like instead of going for a run listening to an audiobook (habit stacking!), I would go on very long walks without my phone. On one walk, I actually got lost in our neighborhood, and that morning turned into a reeeaally long walk.
Destination-free walks without someone else’s voice in my ears allowed me to just be there. To be fully present, which is something often lost in the hustle of daily life. To start noticing things that were always there but I never actually saw.
Noticing and actually hearing the melody of the birds’ songs or which dogs are defending their fence line ready to rip your throat out if you cross their line, and which dogs are 100% certain your sole purpose in life is to climb their fence to play with them.
Noticing the breathtaking beauty of the morning sun on a giant oak tree. How the orange hue of the morning sun highlights specific branches with a vibrant yellow-green while those left in the shadows showcase more of a deep blue-green; a previously unnoticed masterpiece painting in real life right in front of me every day.
Noticing how walking with nobody’s voices but my own, but also no voice of my own pre-planted with a specific question to work through, left space for things to just come up on their own. And on one walk a question bubbled up…
“Where do you want to be in five years?”
After a few moments of quiet, “Maybe the better question is, who do I want to be in five years?”
When I got real quiet and just listened, the answer that came up absolutely shocked me.
“I’m good.”
In an instant, my mind flashed back 5 years…10…15 years ago. I am living the life I envisioned so many times so many years ago.
I am living the life I dreamed of creating for myself and for my family. I am here…right now, right here. This created a complete shift of frame for me.
Put yourself in the shoes of your 10 year ago self. Are you now living the life you pictured? Would that decade-younger version of yourself be excited and proud of who you are and where you are?
Sure, the amount of uncertainty swirling around my businesses (times of economic uncertainty are not the ideal time to be in either marketing or real estate) creates a lot of…uh…opportunities. One of the things I learned/worked on over the summer is to mindfully wield the sharp sword of language; so not problems or challenges, just uncertainty and opportunity. Or as this Chinese proverb delivers, neither good nor bad besides the stories we attach to them.
Even with all the unexpected and unsolicited business “opportunities”, I’m good.
I’ve learned through many conversations, each of us carries our stress in different places in our body. For some, it’s in their shoulders or neck, others tightness across their chest, or a lower back that locks up. Have you noticed where you carry yours?
For me, a knot flared up like a hot piece of charcoal right under my sternum with memory storage capacity seemingly rivaling DropBox’s.
“I’m good.” released that knot, extinguished the hot coal.
Every high achiever is typically trying to prove something to someone. For me, it was never about anybody else, it was about proving it to me. “I’m good.” severed the reins my ego was controlling my attention and efforts with, the unnoticed bridle directing my actions and self-worth.
What is holding the reins invisibly controlling your future?
Where in your life do you need to unlearn something that served you well in your past but doesn’t serve your present or future nearly as well?
“Who do I want to be in 5 years?” was the question that unlocked a new depth of self-awareness and understanding for me. What question do you need to create space for?
You are powerful beyond your imagination.
Creating space for these questions gives you the opportunity to redirect energy away from destructive drains to multiplying creation and joy. Potentially, away from “I’m not enough.” to “I’m good.”
What would ‘I’m good’ mean for you in your life?
Lead With Energy,
Derek
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